9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
