Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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