Say something about gay babies.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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