Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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