come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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