Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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