Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
