she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
