This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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