remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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