perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Alive.
So much puke
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
