Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize
