Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
