I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
