I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
