i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
