trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
worst night to have a conscience
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
