some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
