The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
