I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
