where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
