Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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