Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
