i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize