I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
