rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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