I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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