I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
