You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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