Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
