I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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