I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
