oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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