last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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