Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
