I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
