you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
