saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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