She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
