well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
