They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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