Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
