just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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