I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
