I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
