Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
