How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
