I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
