ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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