you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Boobs speak an international language.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
