My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
