Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
