separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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