Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
