Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh god it's open bar.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
