Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
