My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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