Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
