She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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