barbara walters just said penis...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
