You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
