we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
