your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am mentally ready for anal.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
