i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Shame is for Republicans.
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