Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
