She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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