Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
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Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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