I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
