Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
