I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
